He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
