dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
