just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
