If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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