I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
