Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
