That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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