That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
