I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
