I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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