I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
