She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
