giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
