okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
