oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
3 2 1 whiskey
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
