his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
