Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
