Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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