What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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