You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Can Purell be used as lube?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
