you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
