party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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