Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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