Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
