I accidentally had phone sex last night
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
