Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize