While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
