my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
