Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
