dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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