why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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