What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
