I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
