His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
