Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
