I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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