I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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