Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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