I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
