You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
