whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
