We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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