she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
