he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
