i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
