we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
