well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
