Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
