we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
