I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
