P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
