I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Randomize
