please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
