i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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