omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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