just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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