Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Betty ford says i'm here all night
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
