I think I won the penis lottery.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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