Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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