I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
