awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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