I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
