I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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