you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
