I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
