What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My dad is sitting where you rode me
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
