I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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