I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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