Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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