Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
