I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
