a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
